Thursday, May 19, 2011

When?

I'm wondering when I became this way...when I started being anxiety ridden and out of control? I have some stress issues. I am completely and utterly addicted to stress. And its not like it takes a lot to get me buggin'. Everything seems SO daunting. Not that I would say that I am "paralyzed by fear," I really will do anything but I will definetly be a little too worked up over it.

Take, for example, finances. I don't even remember checking my balance once when I was in H.S., and I call my bank to check my balance pretty much every time I go to the grocery store now. Not that Eddie doesn't do a great job of providing for me, I just think if I don't check my whole world will come crashing down on me. I did have a job in H.S. (riding horses!) but I really don't remember what I did with that money. Its gone. I must of spent it. I honestly believe I could have a million dollars and I still would have second thoughts about buying myself McDonalds. Who knows what will happen on the 21st of May, and I better be careful!

Maybe it's a control thing? Is that why I have NO TRUST that someone will be somewhere at a certain time? That must be why I have to worry about bringing stuff to do in case who knows what happens.

When did this happen? Poor Archie's mom is going to have a heart attack before...well, before too long. I need to learn that, honestly, what I do really doesn't change much anyways, and there is NO REASON to freak out. Maybe I should learn that being nervous won't change a thing, so why give myself an aneurysm in the mean time?

...Deap breaths...

1 Comments:

Blogger Jake and Julia Miller said...

I felt like this when Rhett was born and I still feel like it sometimes. I just have to constantly remind myself that I just have to be good enough. Not perfect, not mediocre, just good enough. I love you Bree! You're an amazing woman. Let me know when I can watch Archie and give you a break. And you better let me watch him...he's so ADORABLE!

May 20, 2011 at 8:33 AM  

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